Those Words given by A Dad That Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to request a break - going on a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, tell a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."